Verse a day #3

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Books!

This is from an amazing little bookstore in Salem that I discovered today!

Taking up my cross

I have been reading a lot lately in my Bible, devotionals, and hearing in Church about persecution and trials. I became convinced that I am supposed to go to Africa and die young for Christ. Not that that bothered me too much (though it actually does), but I am willing, no matter what, to take up my cross and follow Him. Whether that means my early death or no.

But then I watched "Waiting for Superman", a documentary on the American Public School system. While I was watching, I felt overwhelmed, depressed by the vastness of the problem our educational system is in. It is a feeling I've been struggling with a lot this year, so I wasn't surprised to feel it return.

As I sat there in my hopeless despair, I heard a very quiet, very soft voice ask "Are you willing to take up your cross and follow Me?"

It was so humbling. No, I can't do anything for these schools on my own, and yes, the problem is enormous. Crazy enormous. But that is my trial in life. I do not expect to be a Christian rewarded for my faith in this life, one who  "Through faith conquered kingdoms...shut the mouth of lions, quenched the fury of flames, and escaped  the edge of the sword...Women recieved back their dead, raised to life again". I fully expect to be "faced [with] jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword". (Hebrews 11:33-37) Not literally (I hope). Either way, I choose to take up my cross. And I choose to follow God.

More Verse a Day

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I really like some of these, and I really don't like others. But I have to share all of them. Please comment, criticize, share whatever you want!

(I realize that Day 9 is hard to read... it says "Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit".

Phoenix Tears

Sophomore year of High School, I began writing a book. I didn't even finish the first chapter. This has happened many, many times to me, both before and since. Apparently, though, something about this book was different. I became inspired about a week or so back, and have begun writing the book again (I had emailed it to myself a while ago, and was able to dig through old emails til I found it).

None of my stories I've ever shared with anyone. None of them have had enough substance. Phoenix Tears certainly doesn't. Not yet. And it may never. But there is something about my writings that has gotten me to thinking.

But before I get to that, a very brief explanation about the name. As legend has it, Phoenix's have many incredible abilities. One is their ability to heal otherwise fatal wounds with their tears. Pretty cool, huh? Now, on to my deep-thinking-ness. (No, I am not going to tell you any more about my story. You'll have to buy the book!)

I am fantastic at creating the perfect character. It is not difficult for me to write someone with no flaws, no weaknesses, no Achilles heel, so to speak. Those characters have no depth. They are shallow, people without definition, without strength, and honestly, they are really annoying. Sure, writing a story about the perfect guy falling in love with the perfect girl (or even a flawed girl, writing as I see myself) would be easy. I could probably have it done by tomorrow. But I would hate the story after the first chapter. His perfection would get old really quickly. Not because perfection is bad, but because it isn't realistic.

I am flawed.

Now, this isn't something I'm proud of. Life would be so much simpler were I not. Then again, look at the one person who has lived a flawless life. It wasn't exactly simple for Jesus. We killed Him for being perfect, being exactly who He claimed to be, because we weren't able to handle that. It is only because He died for me that my flaws are forgiven. No one wants to read a book about a main character who lives a flawed life and never experiences any forgiveness. What kind of story would that be?

Not the kind that my Author is writing for me.

A verse a day

So I'm in the Boston Logan airport, have been for the past four hours, and my flight is delayed, so I'll be here for another 2 or so. I'm not saying that that is the only reason I'm updating my blog, but if the shoe fits... Anyways. Part of my Lent resolution is that everyday I was going to have a verse of the day, and a reason behind the verse. Mostly to help me meditate on the Bible more and get into it, but also partly because of these verses:
"Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." Matthew 25:28-30.

I don't always use my talents. I don't like to admit I have them all the time. I bury them in the ground, hide them away. But I love photography. And I have been told that it is a talent of mine. So this lent, for my verse a day, I am making the verse into a picture. I hope to multiply my talent, make it greater than when my master left. I hope to be a good and faithful servant. Therefore, I present to you, my first three verses...

Day 1: Ash Wednesday. I wore ashes on my forehead all day in memory that I am dust and I will be dust again when I die. I am mortal.

Day 2: The day my stomach begins to rumble, and I begin to really crave chocolate. But I will not complain. I held to this one because I do complain a lot, and it isn't healthy.

Day 3: My knee has been throbbing all day. That worries me a lot. Mostly because I've been in remission from Arthritis for years now, and there is no way that I can fathom it coming back. It terrifies me. Besides, I've been worrying about many many things lately that do not need to worry me.

There are the first three. I'll post the next bunch in a few days, when I have more to post. :)

Dive

I'm diving in, I'm going deep, in over my head I want to be. Caught in the rush, lost in the flow, in over my head I want to go. The river's deep, the river's wide,

The river's water is alive. So sink or swim, I'm diving in.
 ~Dive, Steven Curtis Chapman

Lent begins today. I decided to give up a few different things-- certain dietary decisions, appearance related, spiritual health, restoring creation, etc. I'm going pretty "extreme" this year. In the past I've given up chocolate, or junk food, or soda. All really good resolutions in their own right and for the time I was in at those points in my life. This year I wanted to do it differently though. I haven't been satisfied with how I've been spending my time, what I've been putting into my body, how I've treated myself and those around me.

Without going into great detail I'd like to share a little bit about why I chose each resolution, and what I hope to learn from it. So, without further ado, my lent plans:

"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. I need to respect my body more. Some of the junk I've been putting into it is just not good. I decided to begin watching what I eat, only allowing myself to eat certain foods. On the same note, I haven't been disciplining myself with working out. I haven't actually gotten to the gym very much at all this year.

I spend way to much time each day doing my make-up, hair, making sure I look okay, and just am too concerned with my appearance all together. Which is why I'm not allowed to wear make-up, put any styling products in my hair or straighten it. If I don't spend time on my appearance, I won't allow myself to worry about it throughout the day. So if you see me any time soon and think I look more hippie, it is because I don't need to waste time on how I look.

Restoring God's creation is a smaller part of Lent this year. I will recycle and take shorter showers because they are both easy, and I need to be a steward of the creation that God has entrusted me with.

Finally, the big part: Spiritual health. I haven't been that close with God lately, have been putting him on the backburner a bit. No good. I'm being more intentional about reading my Bible every morning, making sure I get to church, getting offline more and spending all my extra time with God.

This'll be interesting. It'll be hard. It's gonna be exciting. I cannot wait.

I think I can, I think I can...

...but I can't. Not on my own, at least.

I'm very proud. It's pretty bad. I'm also really good at hiding when I'm hurting, sick, annoyed, etc. About a week or two after winter break ended, at the beginning of February, I got sick. I had a headache for a solid week, felt nauseous and just all around miserable. No one knew. When I asked for prayer from my small group 2 or 3 weeks after I got sic (because I was still sick), they all were amazed that I had been sick at all. I don't generally want to open up and ask for help.

I can't do it on my own. Heck, I can't do anything on my own. I did all I could to get better from whatever I had (except going to the doctor...). Nothing I tried made the slightest difference. I had to slow down, ask God for help, and realize that I can't control even my own body.

It was quite humbling.

I hated it.

I wish I had control of myself. I don't like relying on anything, and I don't like having to trust anyone (both of which I think I've talked about in past posts). I need to learn to rely more on God and less on me.

Because I cannot do this without Him.