Almost Perfect

I donated blood two days ago. It was the 4th time I've done it, so I'm pretty much a pro by now. So when they told me after I donated to sit in the canteen and eat some food for 15 minutes, leave my bandaid on for 5 hours and not do any heavy lifting for 24 hours, I listened to them... almost. I sat in the canteen for 8 minutes, took my bandaid off after 3 1/2 hours to clean and put another bandaid on, and was prepared to lift my box of clothes (40 lbs) from the mail room all the way back to my room 30 minutes later, had it been there. I figured those times were close enough. And there were no negative repercussions. I am absolutely fine.

It isn't just donating blood where I often take an "almost" approach. I almost finished my homework for Monday. I almost cleaned my room. I almost got an A in all my classes. There are plenty of things I've almost done, but, for whatever reason, haven't. I almost approached a friend about a decision she'd recently made, but was afraid of confrontation. I almost stopped to help the homeless man on the sidewalk, but I was afraid, being alone and a teenage female. Most of the things I don't do end up being because I'm afraid. These often have negative repercussions.

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is when Peter walks on water. Yes, Jesus did it first, but He's the son of God, while Peter is just a normal guy who usually has normal faith. He is often afraid. But he climbs out of the boat anyways. He doesn't even hesitate. The rest of the guys in the boat were probably as terrified as he was, but it's ok. They can boast that they almost climbed out of the boat. That's impressive, right? Not really.

And it is ok to do things that we are afraid to do. Look at Peter-- he trusts Jesus enough to walk on water, in the middle of a storm. Not only could he drown, he could get struck by lightning, eaten by a shark (do they have those in the Sea of Galilee? Meh, besides the point), get separated from both Jesus and the boat, etc. He trusts. I love what Casting Crowns say in the song "Voice of Truth." "I'll step out of my comfort zone, into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is, and He's holding out His hand... and the Voice of Truth says 'Do not be afraid.'" Peter didn't drown. He lived to defy death another day, until he was crucified upside down for the sake of the Kingdom, and was taken home to Paradise. What faith. If I had that kind of faith, I would never almost do anything ever again.

Close ups

My camera has a setting called "Close-up". It is probably my favorite setting. I love looking at how detailed our God it. It is easy for us to be held in awe at the rolling ocean, the majestic mountains, the sandy deserts. When we watch a sunset over the sea (or sunrise if you are on the East coast like I am), we are inspired. We look at the forest and praise our Father, but we miss the trees for it. We look at the big, majestic, impressive picture. But it is easy to miss the tiny, intricate details that are equally fascinating and beautiful. God is such an artist, His works don't become blurry the closer you look at them, or just fade into pixels. I love what Sivananda says about details, that "A mountain is composed of tiny gains of earth. The ocean is made up of tiny drops of water. Even so, life is but an endless series of little details, actions, speeches, and thoughts." Next time it snows, realize how unique each snow flake really is. If you go for a walk in the woods, check out the little details. Yes, notice the big picture. But notice all the little details God included for your joy and wonder.

EPIC CANOE

Encouragement

Prayer

In

Canoe

 

Care

Acknowledge

Notice

Open

Exhale (*ahh*)

 

Epic Canoe: our La Vida covenant. Most days on the trip, we would canoe most of the day, portage if we have to, then set up camp once we got to our site. We had to switch canoe partners every day, so we spent a lot of time with most people on the trip. Since there was so much time spent canoeing, our group decided that when we were canoeing, we would talk to our partner, and do EPIC CANOE with them. We would talk, encourage them, pray for them, and often come up with a Bible verse that summed up our conversation that day. That was the Epic part. Canoe was what we did every day all the time, sort of what we wanted the whole trip to be. We cared for each other, acknowledged the sovereignty of God, notice the needs of others around us, were open to God's words and His plan, and took time to relax and *sigh* exhale. It is almost definitely the best covenant that has ever been written (maybe after God's original one with Abraham... maybe).

 

"Liz," you may say, "La Vida was 5 months ago... why on earth are you posting this now??"

 

Well... I'm not sure. Maybe it's because I've been looking through my La Vida journal, and it just seemed relevant. Maybe I like to wait 5 months after a major event happens to post on it. But I think it's because I've been looking at how I live my day to day life, really examining it, and decided that it needs to change. I need to care for those around me more. I need to constantly be on my knees acknowledging God's sovereignty, and notice people around me, and their needs. I need to be more open to God's plan, and I need to keep the Sabbath day holy by finding time to *sigh* exhale. And although I'm no longer in a canoe daily, I am in college, and those both coincidentally start with the letter "C". So maybe I should encourage and pray for those around me in College. Just an idea.

Decisions (duhn duhn duuuuhn)

When I was on La Vida, looking forward to being able to use shampoo and soap again, I was also slightly dreading getting to school. I was nervous that I wouldn't make friends, that I would be homesick, but mostly that I would fail all my classes, lose my scholarship, get kicked out of school and end up living in a cardboard box in Seattle...  ok, I may be exaggerating a tad. More than all of that combined, though, I was afraid I wouldn't like Gordon, and that it would end up being the wrong college for me. I know, it seems a little silly, right? Ok, so that is what transferring is for. But this was my first real decision I had to make as an adult without my parents telling me what to do. It was a pretty big decision, and I didn't want to screw it up. What would it say about me if I epically failed my first test of decision making in my adult life??
During solo, I thought about it a ton. Solo was me fasting, alone in the woods, for two days. I saw Steve and Sher, our leaders, when they brought water and collected out journals. Other than that, it was me and God. When praying about it, God reminded me of a conversation I had with my mom junior year about whether I should swim on the club team during water polo season, or play water polo. Normally, this would have been a simple decision-- polo all the way. Unfortunately, my physical therapist for my shoulder had told me that I wasn't allowed to play water polo, probably ever again. I was in my room one night, making a list of pros and cons for each, when my mom came in. I asked her what she thought I should do, and she said the decision was all mine (great, really great), but that whatever I decided, God would bless that decision and make the best possible situation out of it. I ended up choosing water polo, and am so glad I did. Even if I hadn't though, I know God would have made swimming great too.
Gordon has been a perfect fit for me. I've made amazing friends, haven't been homesick, and got a pretty good GPA for my 1st semester (which means it looks like the cardboard box in Seattle will have to wait). I've also learned to trust that, no matter how big or small the decision I make is, whether it's where I want to study abroad junior year or what I whether to buy this chair for our dorm room, God will take my decision and will make the best of it.
This doesn't mean I should make these decisions willy-nilly though. They definitely require prayer, and God's guidance. I still seek counsel from those who are older and wiser than me, and seek to make decisions to please God. Even if I majorly mess up, God isn't going to let me mess up my life too bad. He's there to catch me, whether I fall, trip, or jump, and to hold me steady as I walk along from day to day.

Proverbs

I love proverbs, quotes, sayings, song lyrics, and Bible verses. Some of them have gotten me through some rather tough times, and I just wanted to put a few down that I really love. (I often write on myself, and emerged from solo on La Vida with a good 5 Bible verses on my arms and legs)

• Do everything without complaining or arguing, that you may be blameless and pure, children of God in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe. (Philippians 2:14-15)
• Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow/ Great is Thy faithfulness (Great is Thy Faithfulness)
• When God places a burden upon you, He places His arms underneath you (Streams in the Desert)
• When you see the rushing wind, feel the pouring rain, hear the thunder now, as the clouds roll in, when you're blinded by the lightning, do you also hear the still small voice? Saying "It's ok, you're not alone, you may be scared to death, but I won't let you go." You may think the sky above is falling, but can you hear Jesus calling? (Jesus Calling)
• I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you. (Genesis 28:15)
• You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you (Isaiah 26:3)
• Incomparable, unchangeable, you see the depths of my heart and you love me the same. You are amazing God (Indescribable)
• There's a peace I've come to know, though my heart and flesh may fail. There's an anchor for my soul; I can say "it is well" (I Will Rise)
• Weeping may remain for a night, but Joy comes in the morning (Psalms 30:5)
• I hear the savior say "Thy strength indeed is small. Child of weakness watch and pray, find in me thine all in all (Jesus Paid it all)
• Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)
• To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-- safe, dark, motionless, airless-- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. (Four Loves)
• You are one in a million, and you belong to me. And I want you to know that I'm not letting go, even when you come undone (More)
• He is no fool to give up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose (Jim Elliot)
• "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11)
• A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her (Max Lucado)
• True progress quietly and persistently moves along without notice (Saint Francis of Assisi)
• I know a life without love is no life at all (Ever After)
• When the night seems so long, throw your hands to the sky. You can sing new song, wipe the tears from your eyes. When you're weak He is strong. He can heal your wounded soul and calm the storm inside (Let Everything that Has Breath)
• Courage is seeing your fear, in a realistic perspective, defining it, considering alternatives, and choosing to function in spite of the risks. (Contact: The First Four Minutes)
• To step out of my comfort zone, into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is, and he's holding out his hand... and the voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid" (Voice of Truth)
• Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance (James 1: 2-3)

Trust Falls

My least favorite day of camp was always the day we did trust falls. I hate trust falls, almost as much as I hate bungee jumping without a harness. Not that I've ever done the second one, but they seem to me to be basically the same concept. Especially the ones at camp. They weren't content to let you stay on the ground and fall back onto one person, no no no. You had to climb about 7 feet in the air (no exaggeration) and fall off a log onto a bunch of people waiting below. Terrifying.

Maybe I'm afraid of trust falls because of third grade, when I sent my trust fall partner crashing into the desks behind us and ended up in a heap on the floor, because I was bigger than him. Maybe it's because later that day, when we had a trust walk and I was blindfolded, a different partner walked me straight into a parked car, a wall, and a shopping cart before our teacher intervened and had a talk with him. Maybe I just shouldn't trust third grade boys...

I don't know if lack of trust in these areas translates to other areas of my life, but I definitely have trouble trusting people, and even trusting God. No good. It isn't that God has ever let me fall, but sometimes I do feel like he has run me straight into a parked car or wall sometimes. When I am disappointed by circumstances, when I'm plunged into utter darkness, when I can see no light at the end of the tunnel, it often feels like I've been run smack dab into a concrete wall.

It is difficult to trust what we can't see. I want to trust that there's a job out there for me after I graduate college, and a husband too. It would be nice to have complete peace that I'm majoring in the right thing, and that I can actually make a difference in this world. Sometimes I just need to trust that this workout video is going to pay off, or that taking 18 credits this semester won't kill me.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I know that this is a frequently quoted verse, but sometimes I have to remember that I cannot catch myself in a trust fall... that would just be silly and end up with me flat on my back. But if you trust in him, completely and fully, there is no doubt that he will catch you.