Trust Falls

My least favorite day of camp was always the day we did trust falls. I hate trust falls, almost as much as I hate bungee jumping without a harness. Not that I've ever done the second one, but they seem to me to be basically the same concept. Especially the ones at camp. They weren't content to let you stay on the ground and fall back onto one person, no no no. You had to climb about 7 feet in the air (no exaggeration) and fall off a log onto a bunch of people waiting below. Terrifying.

Maybe I'm afraid of trust falls because of third grade, when I sent my trust fall partner crashing into the desks behind us and ended up in a heap on the floor, because I was bigger than him. Maybe it's because later that day, when we had a trust walk and I was blindfolded, a different partner walked me straight into a parked car, a wall, and a shopping cart before our teacher intervened and had a talk with him. Maybe I just shouldn't trust third grade boys...

I don't know if lack of trust in these areas translates to other areas of my life, but I definitely have trouble trusting people, and even trusting God. No good. It isn't that God has ever let me fall, but sometimes I do feel like he has run me straight into a parked car or wall sometimes. When I am disappointed by circumstances, when I'm plunged into utter darkness, when I can see no light at the end of the tunnel, it often feels like I've been run smack dab into a concrete wall.

It is difficult to trust what we can't see. I want to trust that there's a job out there for me after I graduate college, and a husband too. It would be nice to have complete peace that I'm majoring in the right thing, and that I can actually make a difference in this world. Sometimes I just need to trust that this workout video is going to pay off, or that taking 18 credits this semester won't kill me.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I know that this is a frequently quoted verse, but sometimes I have to remember that I cannot catch myself in a trust fall... that would just be silly and end up with me flat on my back. But if you trust in him, completely and fully, there is no doubt that he will catch you.