Death

Way to be, Liz. Way to bring up a depressing, serious subject. Well, this blog is about me sharing whatever I'm thinking, and I've been thinking about Death a lot lately. And not in that morbid, depressing way that I think they ask you about on those "anonymous tests" they make you take in high school. The ones that basically ask you if you do drugs, drink, or are depressed. I don't know if they are only a recent thing or what, but they are so annoying and take forever to fill out. One I took my junior year had been right after a classmate died, so I am very curious to how the results to the "I have thought about death often in the past month (Completely true/Mostly True/ No Opinion/ Mostly False/ Completely false)" turned up for our school. But random side tanget aside, death sucks.

I've known people who died. I never knew either of my grandfathers, my Omi (dad's mom) died when I was 8 or so, my G'ma (mom's mom) died when I was 13, and my Aunt Betty died when I was 14. At my high school graduation in Libertyville, we remembered the 3 young men who were supposed to graduate with our class, but had died. Most recently, November 5, 2010, my good friend Emily's dad Jim, who him and his whole family have been really influential in my life, lost a long-fought battle with cancer.

I know that Jim is now cancer-free, laughing and living with Jesus (who probably knows some pretty legit magic tricks that He's teaching Jim). Despite knowing that, however, I wish he hadn't died. I wish he could've gotten better and stayed around here on earth for a while. He had such a ministry, such an impact on everyone that he met. I don't understand why good people are taken away so young, when they have so much left to contribute to the world, when you know that if they lived all they did would be furthering God's kingdom. Isaiah 57: 1-2 helps shed a little bit of light on it. "The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death." Looking at this verse and Miriam's (Jim's wife) CaringBridge blog, reading her strenght and faith in the midst of all that happened, gives some comfort. I have really looked up to the entire Mohler family as they've struggled through this pain.

What are people going to say about me when I'm dead? If I died tomorrow, would I ever really have lived? I have a bucket list with so many things I've never done. Sure, I've crossed off a whole 2 things on the list, but what does that entail? What legacy would I leave? No one is going to look at my life and say "Wow, she spent so much time everyday picking out outfits and her hair was always so perfect. I really look up to her." Then again, would anyone say "Wow, she spent so much time in her Bible every day and always was so strong in her faith. I really look up to her.

"I'm not looking for sympathy responses-- I don't want you to tell me all the great qualities you love about me or how much you would miss me if I died. I want to know for myself that I'm living each day faithful and strong in my faith, loving completely and taking chances. I don't know when I'm going to die, but I want my life to have meant something. I want people to remember me as they remember Jim Mohler. I want to leave a legacy like he did. If any Mohlers are reading this, I love you all so so much, and am praying for you all. Thank you for being such a positive influence in all aspects of my life. I love you.